TATAR #16 Venus in Blue Jeans

by Howard Greenfield and Jack Keller (1962)

I feel that the universe is telling me to write about this.

Having not heard this song for what must be decades, it popped into my head recently. Next thing I know I'm reading about how the singer Mark Wynter apparently went on to have a great career in musicals and is back on tour. Should he ever appear in a production of Kismet, I'll have to get a ticket. I mean, I really will have to. That's just how it works.

Anyways, I remember hearing this song as a child and, like all music you listen to a child, it stays with you. So, naturally, when I listened again decades later, I could remember every single word.

And what fine words they are:

"La da da di da da da di di dum"

OK, not the very first line. I mean the next bit:

"She's Venus in blue jeans"

Now that is how to write a song title. The second line is even better:

"Mona Lisa with a pony tale"

This kind of thing is straight out of the Ira Gershwin playbook: juxtaposing the classical with the contemporary ("Of Thee I Sing, Baby"). And I love those two little interval drops in the melody on "Venus" and "blue jeans", like the sentimental sighs of an oh-so-earnest teenager in love.

This characterisation carries on in the middle section which switches perspective from "she" to "they":

"They say there's seven wonders in this world

But what they say is out of date

There's more than seven wonders in this world

I just met number eight!"

I do believe that is an early draft of a poem by Adrian Mole, aged 13 and 3/4. Add in the melodramatic heartbeat of the snare drum, a swooning choir and an obligatory modulation and you have the perfect love song for a smitten teen. 

But, most of all, I'm amazed by the brevity. The video says two minutes. In fact, if you exclude the intro and repeated verse, it's more like one. In just over sixty seconds, the songwriters have managed to capture this boy's character: the dreaminess, the naivety, the purple prose, the hopelessly pedestal-placing attitude to the opposite sex. 

It's a little glimpse inside somebody else's world. 

And that really is a wonder.

Having a Larry: Musicals and the Olivier Awards

Now, I'm not one for award shows. 

That is, whenever I watch one, I can't help wondering what it would be like if all that congratulatory self-importance were to be directed at an industry that is actually essential - plumbing, say. Perhaps one day we'll see a bloke called Dave, clutching a golden u-bend and tearily thanking his parents for showing him the beautiful possibilities of a central heating system.

I'd definitely watch that.

But I only managed around twenty minutes of the Oliviers. Maybe I should have stuck it out for longer, given that I am a musical theatre fan. To be honest, I rather suspect that the reason I switched off was because I'm a musical theatre fan.

You see, musicals and the Oliviers have had a rocky relationship. Generally, the Oliviers like their musicals old and American. So, back in da heights of the Boubil/Schoenberg megamix era, the Oliviers plumped for the half-century-old Me and My Girl over Les Miz. A few years later, not to be outdone by their own nutty decisions, they made sure that Miss Saigon lost out to, er, nostalgia jukebox show Return to the Forbidden Planet.

Well, plus ca change, as Javert would say:

"Back to the Future was named was named best musical - one of the night's most competitive categories."

To be fair, at least that show has some original songs, unlike the majority of the nominees. Nothing against jukebox musicals but I wouldn't place them in the Best New Musical category any more than I would award Best New Band to a tribute act, no matter how good they were.

And, note, not a British show amongst the nominees.

"There were live performances throughout the night from the casts of shows including Moulin Rouge, Back to the Future, Drifters Girl, Frozen, Life of Pi, Anything Goes and Get Up, Stand Up"

So, to sum up. The premier awards for current British theatre chose to showcase mostly decades-old American songs written by dead people. Say what you like about Lord Andy's Cinderella but, had that show been nominated, at least the composer could have collected his award in person, on account of the fact that he still has a pulse. 

Whatever the future of British musical theatre is, one thing's for sure: it'll have little to do with the Oliviers.