Simple Answers to Simple Questions

Could Jesus Christ Superstar be a woman?

No.

Does someone have a good publicist?

Yes.

The Rhythm of Life Sciences

Matthew Cain, enthusiastic presenter of the Channel 4 series What Makes a Masterpiece?, has been asking what makes music tick (episode 2). 

Good question.

So he spoke to some scientists: one who had designed a computer which could “recognise” a hit song and another who stuck wires on people’s heads to see how music affected their brains.

The first bit of science begs the question, can a computer write a hit song?

In theory, maybe. The computer identified common traits of hit songs and grouped them in “clusters”. A new song could be tested and, if necessary, tweaked so that it came closer to one of the clusters, thus increasing it's hit potential. But could the computer create a song from scratch? The question was never asked directly but I would have thought it theoretically possible. Although given the fact that computers still can’t hold a 5-minute conversation, "I'm Dreaming of a Megabyte Christmas" may be a way off yet.

(It’s also worth pointing out that this computer only analysed music and, really, a hit song is the successful pairing of a particular bit of music with particular words which, presumably, would multiply the variables around a zillion-fold. So good luck clustering that. Then again, computers are good with zillions in a way that we’re not.)

The second bit of science - the wires and the brain - begs the question, who needs music?

If music is essentially a neuro-chemical effect on the brain and if this could be replicated by some simpler method of brain stimulation, then why bother with the tediously traditional and messy method of composing music which, ultimately, may not have the desired effect for the listener? Again, the programme didn’t explore this issue but, it seems to me, the possibility is there (although still a million miles away given the current technology).

So what does the future hold?

OK, I find it difficult to imagine a time when music is replaced by wires attached to your head. On the other hand I can imagine computers playing an increasingly significant role. In such a future perhaps music will split between “computer-generated” and “natural” in the same way that food has, in recent times, split between genetically-modified and organic. That is, the computer stuff will be cheaper, shinier and more voluminous but a few purists will still pay twice as much for what they like to think of as the "real thing". Most likely, as with food, music will probably be a hybrid and it will be increasingly hard to tell the difference.

For some this will sound reductionist alarm bells. Can the beauty of a Mozart aria be reduced to a computer programme? Can the majestic power of Beethoven’s 9^th ever be explained in terms of bio-chemistry? What about Peter Andre?

The bells have a point but shouldn't be so alarmed; in the end, music is irreducible. When a composer composes they don’t experience the act of composing as a robot churning out data. When a music listener listens they don’t experience the emotions generated as mere neuro-chemistry. Part of the experience is the feeling that something more is going on. So, even if the we had a full scientific understanding of how music works, our experience of music would still point us towards something beyond that understanding. If it didn't, then it wouldn't be music.


"To feel The Rhythm of Life
To feel the powerful beat
To feel the tingle in your fingers
To feel the tingle in your feet..."

Now that's a masterpiece. Spread the religion, Daddy.

Notes Towards Swallows, Amazons and Hannon

Notes towards Swallows and Amazons at Chichester Festival Theatre:

Janitors as Stagehands. Since this is a story about children and their imaginations there was plenty of imaginative staging. This was mainly carried out by people in janitor's coats. So when one of the children looked through a telescope, a janitor appeared upstage holding a large circular frame, through which we, the audience, could "see" what the telescope holder was seeing. See? When the children went swimming in the lake a couple of janitors came on stage and undulated a long blue ribbon to indicate the water. Sea?

Some of these bits of staging worked a charm. In fact they got some of the biggest reactions from the audience. But I think there are limits to this kind of thing. I'm all for a theatre audience being asked to exercise its collective imagination but it's a two-way contract. An audience can accept that theatrical staging is physically limited. But in return there should at least be an attempt to minimise disruption to the story. The staging is not the story but only the means of telling it. At one point it took three janitors to carry a puppet bird across the stage. For me, that's high maintenance.

Janitors as Performers. As well as carrying puppet birds, the janitors were also acting, singing and playing musical instruments. The recent trend for actor musicians is an interesting one. It's impressive but it can also be distracting. On a practical level it means a lot of moving between stage and band area and picking up and putting down of musical instruments. As with the three-person puppet you begin to notice the staging over and above the story.

For the record, despite these mildly grumblesome remarks, the performance was very well received by the audience. So I could be completely wrong about everything.

Notes towards character and Neil Hannon songs:

Theatre Songs Sound Like Theatre Songs. This is the first musical by divine comedian and singer-songwriter, Neil Hannon. It's often said that the way forward for musicals is to embrace more modern song styles - pop, rock, hippity-hop - in order to widen its audience. This may be true but it doesn't take account of the fact that these song styles would have to be adapted to make them more like musical theatre songs. There's a reason that musical theatre songs sound the way they do.

Neil Hannon is a pop songwriter whose songs aren't a million miles from theatre songs. They're funny and literate with audible lyrics (often a crucial distinction between rock and theatre songs, now that I think of it). But when they are performed in a theatre they sound a little less like Neil Hannon songs. This is mainly because they are sung by musical theatre performers but also because of character.

Songs about character and character songs. Neil Hannon often writes songs about character but not all of them could be theatre songs. The distinction is between observed character and participatory character. Let’s take a couple of examples from his back catalogue.
First up his reflections on bus travel in “National Express”:

“On the National Express
There's a jolly hostess
Selling crisps and tea...
Mini skirts were in style
When she danced down the aisle
Back in ’63
But it’s hard to get by
When your arse is the size
Of a small country!”

Much of this would make for great musical comedy: the bouncy rhythm, the jokes, the economic writing style, the funny off-accented long note on “coun-treee!”. But this is not a theatre song for one simple reason: it is character observation, not character. There’s a world of difference.

In contrast here’s another one , “Everybody Knows That I Love You”:

“I told my Mum and Dad
They seemed to understand...
I told the passers-by
I made a small boy cry
And I’ll get through to you
If it’s the last thing that I do...
Ev’rybody Knows that I Love You
Ev’rybody knows I adore you
Ev’rybody knows that it’s true
Except you”

Here the song is not about a character, the song is the character, in this case a love-struck youth obsessively droning on about his heartache. It’s sort of a “Why oh why oh why must I be a teenager in love?” kind of a song. The tune is simple, naïve even, with the plaintive downbeat falling on the “love” of the title rather than the “you”. That’s the joke: the song is ostensibly about the object of this kid’s affections, whereas it’s really about him and his own lovesick afflictions.

In musical theatre the songs generally don’t serve to observe the drama; they are part of it. Fortunately for the score of Swallows and Amazons Neil Hannon has written more of the second type of song and less about buses. Let’s hope he continues to do so.

(I also happened to see him recently on BBC’s Celebrity Mastermind answering questions on the greatest sitcom in the world ever. This only goes to demonstrate further his divine taste in comedy.)